Life Update: May 15th, 2026

Life Updates

The last few days have been interesting – the last few weeks even more so. I thought I was going to end up on the streets in a country where I don’t fully speak the language. No cash, no place to stay, and no way to buy a ticket out. Most of my family has passed away, and I have no friends – at least none I can count on, anyway.

I’ve always had my own back for the most part. I’ve never had much support. Even as a kid, I lacked a strong support network and was always told to earn my keep. I suppose that stuck with me; I’ve always been self-sufficient and semi-isolated, even from family. Because of the constant moving, I haven’t been able to really develop strong ties or networks of any kind. I’ve just come to expect everyone in my life to be transitory.

The only connections that persist in my life are the ones I over-invest in maintaining, which is usually a romantic partner. In most of my relationships, I give and provide much more than I receive, so the energy usually feels pretty lopsided. I have that Cancer energy, so I tend to not only provide financially but also do a fair amount of the household cleaning, shopping, dishes, and sometimes even cooking. There is always this energy in me that tries to minimize my partner’s discomfort, sometimes at my own expense. It gets to the point where I don’t have the capacity to always be there for them because I am so energetically depleted that resentment starts to build up. This is where healthy boundaries come in – learning to allow myself to say “no” without feeling like I’m letting my partner down (which I suppose is really just a specific flavor of guilt).

I did have someone catch me this time, though. It wasn’t anyone in my network, but someone in hers: family, of sorts. A sister-in-law she is close with. So, we hopped on a bus with our last remaining dollars and headed to a different city to live with her. I was fully prepared to ask strangers for help – for a floor to sleep on, some food, and internet access so I could continue searching for jobs and find a way to make an income.

Life has been pretty hard lately, but I am rolling with it. I’m trying to stay in the flow, maintain my center, and just let life take me where it wants to go, trusting that when I get there, I’ll find my footing and things will work out.

And they have. I’ve still been fortunate through all of this. I’ve been working on my portfolio, building things I want to use that aren’t currently on the App Store. I created PS Breath Studio, which is currently in beta testing. It’s ad-free, though I did include some options for users to support the project. It’s a customizable breathing application that allows you to create custom breathwork routines (though it could really be used to build any routine). Even though it’s only in the testing phase, I’ve already had someone donate, which is pretty cool and a little unexpected. It’s nice to receive unexpected blessings; it really helps you appreciate things.

We are settling in well – or at least, as well as can be expected. They took us in on short notice, and since we are a family of three with a pet and they a family of two with pets, it’s understandably a tight fit. My partner’s son sleeps on the couch, and we sleep on the floor of their spare art studio with our dog. We managed to get some super-cheap, hard foam mattresses so we’d have some kind of bed to sleep on. We also have a little money left over from selling all our belongings back at the old apartment.

Our previous landlord was giving us a really hard time because we missed the last month’s rent. I’ve been out of a job for five months, and we ate through our savings and everything else we had until there was nothing left but our stuff. Four years’ worth of belongings all had to be sold. We couldn’t afford to store it anywhere, we were out of time, and we desperately needed the cash to buy bus tickets and arrive with some ability to help her sister out with bills and food.

This isn’t the first time I’ve lost everything. I think it’s the fourth time now. I lost everything once to a house fire, and once when I left a toxic fifteen-year marriage, walking away with nothing but the clothes on my back and a suitcase. My ex took advantage of the fact that I wanted out badly enough not to fight her on anything. She never even sold the house to give me the 50% equity that is technically mine.

But it’s all good. Holding onto that would only cause anger and resentment to build up in my system. Even though I could take legal action to force the sale, it would be too much of a hassle on my nervous system. I value my peace and my sanity too much these days. I prioritize my mental health now, especially since I’ve battled suicidal thoughts for most of my life. It took me a long time to heal from everything I’ve been through, and now that I mostly am healed, I intend to protect that peace.

I’ve gotten really good at regulating my nervous system. I don’t get thrown off balance the way I used to. I can maintain a clearer head and make better decisions because I’m not constantly stuck in fight-or-flight mode, letting everything get to me. A huge part of that is actively practicing self-care and self-love. It’s about setting boundaries and expectations for what I want out of life and out of a partnership. It’s being willing to walk away when my needs aren’t being met or when things just don’t feel right. I’m learning to trust my body, my instincts, and myself more. I’m believing in myself more.

Anyway, I’m sure things will work out. This is just temporary. I’m doing everything I can to move toward financial freedom and real stability – the kind where I’m not vulnerable to a job that can unexpectedly let me go at Christmas with only two weeks of severance, and spend five months unsuccessfully trying to jump back into a 9-to-5 grind that clearly just isn’t working for me anymore.

So, in a way, this is a spring cleaning. It’s clearing everything unnecessary out of my life, allowing me to really hone in on what I value and what I want. It’s teaching me to let go of control, to trust life, and to free-fall into the unknown with no expectations, trusting that whatever happens is for the best.