Reflections in a Mirror: 2025, March 9th – Dancing with My Higher Self

I just finished Hades and completed it to 100 percent, so today I was left with the situation of having nothing in particular to do. Trying to hone in on if I should work on my website or not, I felt a sense of obligation and dread, but also realized it is something I should do. I felt responsibility… There is a part of me that is in anathema toward that concept in general; it wants life to be fun, it wants life to be play, it wants doing the right thing to feel and be good… From a Gene Key perspective, this is my Purpose Sphere: Shadow of Seriousness, Gift of Delight, Siddhi of Ecstasy… A very deep part of my being wants to be in a state of Ecstasy.

Anyway, distractions… lol. So, I settled down to ask my Spirit Guides/Team of Light and my Higher Self if I should work on my website or not. During the process, they told me ‘No’ to working on the website, but more so rather, I should work on it only when it’s my highest excitement in the moment. I’m left with a vacuum inside of me asking for purpose and clarity and direction, trying to figure out what “I” want… I can feel it calling to me, and today I cried tears of recognition as I described it to myself….

I want to Dance with my Higher Self; I want to close my eyes and fall into that special place inside of me that (words struggle to describe, but I’ll try) is warm, and hmm - as I try to describe the physical sensations, they kinda leave me… lol, it isn’t the physical sensations I’m after, but rather something deeper and more spiritual, a spiritual intimacy with my Higher Self. In moments of deep meditation, I can feel my body flood with warmth and goodness and love and joy. I call that my guiding light, but it changes - it isn’t always the same… And it’s going to be unique to every individual, so they need to really listen to their own body and their own intuition for what’s right and true and authentic to them, and not chase after other people’s experiences… (playful admonishment)… follow your light, your path, your way… It will be just as wonderful if you allow it to unfold. I’m briefly reminded that some of the reasons esoteric paths don’t share openly is because it has the capacity to do more harm than good. So even if I describe my experiences, yours could be different. I think mine are mostly keyed to who I am, at a vibrational level, and that in turn manifests in the way I experience and perceive reality. Touch and sensation are some of the most important senses for me, especially since I suspect I might have some form of aphantasia. I’m really good at imagining things, but it’s very abstract at the moment - how I perceive it in my mind’s eye rather than vivid. It’s a mental projection of knowingness, of having connected to a concept to understand it, rather than an actual seeing most of the time.

Anyway, most of that is not important to why I wanted to sit down and write this. Part of it was to try and capture the essence of it in words… A difficult task. Imagine Lovers twirling, so in Love with one another that the world falls away, their smiles, their soft touches, the nuzzling into the neck, the openness and expansiveness of vulnerability, the invitation in, the askingness of it, the receptiveness of it, letting another deep inside yourself, at a soul level…

I want to be made love to by the Universe, to be made love to by my Higher Self, to allow him to lead in his masculinity while I complement his masculinity with my feminine - to receive, to breathe in his essence, to savor it, to savor him, to adore him, to Love him…

That is a fraction of what I feel when I connect to this… whatever it is. It vibrates my whole being. I feel energy coursing through my body, up my spine, ringing in my ears, like my body is alive and electrified…

It’s strange considering in my day-to-day life I’m pretty masculine – (Amusement). Though I mostly ignore those concepts and just try to be whatever I want to be, it just happens that my want to be tends to be Masculine. I’m most in touch with my feminine energies when I’m in the higher spiritual energies. The Masculine is there, it’s just… what I look up to and admire about the Masculine… and I become what I look up to and admire about the Feminine… Divine Union has always played a key role in my psyche, so has sacred sexuality. I still feel like I’m at the beginning of a journey and there is still so much to explore and do and be. I want to be the paint and paintbrush and easel that my Higher Self uses to paint a masterpiece, the violin he uses to place musical notes in the air, the complement to him, working with him, in unison, with no resistance, to Be….

Farewell for now, and may the Light of your own Being guide you and illuminate your Path.